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Trump tweets.
President Trump needs cash now!

President Trump is looking for cash to fund his legal battles.

Washington DC – Twitter users gazed at their phones today in disbelief. Most of them thought President Donald Trump couldn’t surprise them anymore.

The Twitter-in-Chief proved them wrong.

Facing a gaggle of legal battles, President Trump is telling the people of the United States that he will single-handedly shut down the government if his legal fees aren’t paid for in full.

The do-nothing Democrats are doing one thing! Making me pay to make America great again! Their phony lawsuits are bankrupting me. Bills need to be paid or government goes bye-bye!

Republicans Support Their Man

Senate Republicans rushed to support Trump’s need for fiscal relief. When asked about the issue, Senator Lindsey Graham simply held up a small sign that read, Whatever he said I agree with

FOX News talking heads believe Trump’s strategy to make money and possibly force a government shutdown is sheer genius. Shawn Hannity stated, “We need to let people who know how to make money, make money.”

Evangelicals are ecstatic. Many are combing through the Book of Revelation to see where this tweet is mentioned.

Democrats and independent voters are scratching their heads and wondering “So, what can’t Trump do as President?” Some school districts are throwing out their copies of the US Constitution and replacing them with George Orwell’s classic 1984.

Experts believe President Trump will not meet his lofty fundraising goals. It’s more than likely he’ll find another way to bankrupt the country.

In related news, Zion Lights from Extinction Rebellion talked about the best advice she ever received.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...