Reading Time: 2 minutes

FOX News personality Tucker Carlson is offering some lucky viewers “Ukrainian white Christian ladies” as prizes in a lottery. For a mere $100 white Christian male viewers can win a chance of getting their very own Slavic bride/companion.

White American Christian men need white Christian women, and there are many white Christian Ukrainian women looking for love.

tucker Carlson

FOX News refuses to divulge how many Christian Ukrainian women are involved in the lottery. Considering Mr. Carlson’s show draws in millions of lonely middle aged white men, many believe there must be hundreds if not thousands of prizes (women).

Tucker Carlson constantly promotes The Great Replacement Theory on his show. The conspiracy states Democrats are supporting open borders in order to replace white voters with immigrants who are willing to support evil leftist plots like universal healthcare and adequately funded schools. The lottery scheme feeds on those fears.

Fans are excited about the opportunity. As soon as it was announced the FOX News site crashed due to the rush of eager, desperate, and more than likely racist men wanting to buy a ticket.

I prayed on it. Jesus told me to empty out my IRA and get as many tickets as possible. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get two Ukrainian babes.

– William “Big Dreams” Hall

Andrew Canard is a producer for Tucker Carlson Tonight. He’s been personally handling all the questions from lottery ticket purchasers. “Our audience is passionate about traditional morality and helping people in a warzone,” he said.

Critics are quick to point out that the show hasn’t “helped out” non-white and non-Christian civilians who are in warzones. Mr. Canard hasn’t responded.

The lottery is raising other controversies. Women who are looking to get out of Russia are masquerading as Ukrainians. What started out as a naked cash grab by Carlson and FOX targeting Ukrainian women is inadvertently victimizing Russian ones, too. However, ticket holders don’t give a rat’s whisker.

In related news, Florida changes Homo sapiens to People sapiens in school textbooks.

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...