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Those people are ruining everything!

 

”I don’t know what happened. One year ago I was fine. And now I can’t get it up,” Unite the Right 2 complained to his doctor.

Unite the Right 2 went on to explain how everything worked great in Charlottesville, Virginia last August. He had power then. There was the throbbing energy of polo-shirted men holding tiki torches up high.

Dr. Andrew Canard listened patiently. He saw the anticlimactic white supremacist rally in Washington DC on CNN over the weekend. Perhaps two dozen fascists showed up to show support for the Dunning-Kruger Effect, confirmation bias, and poorly thought out nhpositions on genetics, economics, and history.

Oh, there were excuses. There are always excuses by men who can’t keep it up. Dr. Canard had heard them all. “I’ve been stressed out at work” and “I drank too much Pabst Blue Ribbon” were the common ones. CNN reported Unite the Right 2 stated that there was “communication problems” and fear played a role.

What Dr. Canard didn’t want to tell his patient was that it was pretty incredible Unite the Right Part One worked as well as it did in the first place. White supremacy is a movement held together by duct tape, bubble gum, and Donald Trump. It’s inherently designed to implode once it gets to a certain size. Also, the kaki-pant fascists had surprise on their side last year. Fascists surprised everyone at the beginning of World War 2. Once the radical right loses the initiative, however, it typically gets bogged down in Russia or lost in a GAP outlet store.

”Do you want to get it up? You have to get good sleep, eat right, hit the gym, and, hey, how about giving up on the idea that a more equitable society is a bad thing?” Dr. Canard suggested.

Unite the Right 2 agreed it needs to sleep better and perhaps all the sweet tea isn’t helping. However, going to the gym and accepting the United States is becoming a minority-majority country is too much to bear.

His physician sighed and wrote a script for an expensive pill to make it all better. His patient seemed determined to make himself and everyone else miserable.


Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017  Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...