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Russian President Vladimir Putin is scheming to win the $1.5 billion dollar Powerball prize. The Russian Federation is bleeding manpower in its war against Ukraine as well as cold hard cash. The prize money may not solve all of Putin’s problems, but he’s hoping it will be an integral piece to his puzzle of victory.

Someone has to win. Why can’t that someone be me?

Vladimir Putin

The war in Ukraine is a black hole draining away vital resources for Putin. While only the Russian high command knows for sure how much the war has cost them. Newsweek reported that in August the US estimated the Russians had 70,000-80,000 dead or wounded. Newsweek also wrote that the Russian military lost 1,420 tanks and 684 armored vehicles.

What’s making matters worse for the aspiring Putin the Not-so-Great is that Western nations froze 640 billion dollars worth of its assets during the early stages of the conflict. And this means Putin is desperate. Desperate times call for desperate actions and that’s why Putin is using his last reserves of foreign currency to buy as many Powerball tickets as possible.

How many Powerball tickets can the dictator purchase? Economists believe he could purchase tens of billions.

Professor Andrew Canard teaches at Miskatonic University in Providence, Rhode Island. He specializes in Economic History. His books include Dictators are Economically Dumb and China Is Shooting Itself In The D*ck Just Like The Soviets Did. “I suppose no one told Putin spending tens of billions on a prize worth only 1.5 billion is a bad idea because no one wants to give the boss bad news,” he said. “And that’s why authoritarian governments are dumb.”

Anonymous sources inside the Kremlin say their boss has lost all sense of reality and dreams about what he’s going to spend his prize winnings on. The producers of the HGTV program My Lottery Dream Home say they’ve received several calls from Putin himself begging to come on the show. They responded “Nyet.”

In related news, a new study shows atheists block God’s blessings.

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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