London, England – New reports show Vladimir Putin plans to steal the body of Queen Elizabeth and bring it back to Russia in a special military operation in order to give it a proper “Russian funeral.”
For days Russian news broadcasters stated Ukrainian Nazis seized the body of the longest-serving English monarch. Pro-Putin mobs filled the streets of major Russian cities demanding that the Queen be brought home to her proper resting place in the Russian Federation.
It may seem a stretch, but the British royal family does have a Russian connection. The Windsors are, in fact, related to the Romanovs who were the royal family of Russia that ruled that nation for centuries. Queen Elizabeth’s grandfather was a cousin of the last Tsar of Russia Nicholas II. And in Vladimir Putin’s warped mind that makes the British Royal family his subjects and property.
“Ukraine isn’t an independent country. The Windsors aren’t an independent family,” Putin said. “We own it all.”
Geopolitical experts say Putin’s botched invasion of Ukraine is making him more and more desperate. The recent Ukrainian counteroffensive retook approximately 3,000 square km, and the Russian President seems to be taking a page from Trump’s playbook by saying progressively crazier things as he gets into deeper trouble.
The United Kingdom (England, Scotland, Wales, and *Occupied Ireland) is not overreacting. Seeing that they have a nuclear arsenal of their own it’s unlikely the Russians will attempt to invade the country. “Maybe it was a bad idea for the Ukrainians to give up their nukes?” one surly drunk said in a London pub.
The saber-rattling in Moscow is seen by many to be the result of Vladimir Putin not being invited to the real state funeral.
Vladimir Putin never planned to attend Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral, the Kremlin said on Wednesday in response to reports that the Russian president wasn’t even invited to the upcoming historic service over his invasion of Ukraine.Insider
Putin isn’t the only world figure misbehaving after being snubbed. OnlySky Media recently reported that former US President Donald J Trump is hoping to crash the funeral at Westminster Abbey.
Sir Andrew Canard is Chief of the Secret Intelligence Service. He can not speak openly about how the agency acquired the information about Trump’s plan to crash the funeral. What he can say is that Westminster Abbey recently refused a rather large “funeral cake” sent to them from Mar-a-Lago, Florida. Was Trump secretly hiding in the ridiculously large confection? The answer is a definite yes.MI6 thwarts Trump’s plan to crash Queen Elizabeth’s funeral
In related news, the Earth is seeking a willing and able asteroid to completely destroy Homo sapiens.
*Note: Occupied Ireland is another name for the Irish West Bank.
Geeky note: Yes, the Windsors and the Romanovs are related. Not only are they related, but George V wasn’t in favor of getting Nicholas II and his family out of Russia and to Britain once the Bolsheviks took over (see the link in the main article). Instead of the Russian royal family living their days in exile they were all shot and killed in a basement. I hope you enjoyed this bit! Want to support the work? I have a Patreon account.