Chicago, Illinois – The Weimar Republic (WR), the government of Germany from 1919-1933, is feeling much better these days as it is getting international respect for its many accomplishments. Ever since the WR got kicked out of Germany by the National Socialist Workers Party it’s been living in Chicago and keeping out of the public eye.
“There were decades I couldn’t leave my Lake Shore Drive apartment without being called a weak and useless system of government,” the WR stated. “Thanks to Donald Trump people are looking at me in a totally different light.”
Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump is electrifying crowds with racially tinged rhetoric targeting Muslims, and there is a growing realization among scholars that the WR withstood a number of really tough challenges in its 14 years of existence: The Great Depression, armed Communists agitating for revolution, victorious Allied powers who at times only seemed to be interested in kicking the fledgling German republic in the gonads. ALL those things PLUS Nazis.
The new consensus is that the Weimar Republic is a bad ass.
“People now look me in the eye and do that nod of acknowledgment and respect,” the Weimar Republic stated. “My chiropractor told me that my spine is back in alignment and I’m now standing tall.’
Professor Alfred Kannard of the Fallacious American Institute reports that the data clearly supports the assertion that many US citizens can be classified as Weak Angsty Narcissistic Know-nothings Racists (WANKRs). WANKRs are typified as those people who are happy to find a scapegoat — in this case Muslims — to make up for their own inability to manage their sorry lives.
“The data shows that under normal circumstances WANKRs make up roughly 25% of the US voting population. However, in the presence of instability, that number can rise to whatever Donald Trump’s poll numbers are at that moment,” Professor Kannard explained.
His research shows that while the Weimar Republic was able to negotiate with Allied powers to lower the debt Germany had to pay after World War I, made many significant domestic reforms, created some kick ass art, and that WANKRs will turn America into some fascist hot house of insanity in a matter of hours if given the chance.
“Who would’ve guessed that the American form of government could dish out massive amounts of punishment at home and abroad, but had a glass jaw?” Professor Kannard commented.
Even though the Weimar Republic is living it large in the sunshine of its new found popularity, it realizes it does so at the expense of its adopted country, the United States of America.
“The Sun shines down on me, but I understand that’s occurring because real darkness is encroaching on my home,” the WR sighed. “I had to leave Germany because of fascists, and now I may return to live there because of fascists.”
*This is an updated post from earlier this year. To tell you all the truth it’s one of my favorite Trump Poes.
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