Here is comedian Nathan Timmel’s weekly rant — What Would Jesus Do Wednesday (WWJDW).
Enjoy!
Wes Goodman is everyone’s favorite kind of Conservative Christian politician. The good people of Ohio’s 87th District had the pleasure of witnessing Congressman Goodman’s rise and fall.
Though he adored men and had many sexual affairs with them, he maintained the belief that gay is bad, and that gay folk didn’t deserve the same rights as heterosexual people.
I mean… come on.
Does Jesus’ message of love get any more pure than that?
It does if you’re Wes Goodman.
When in office, his website (long since removed) read “the ideals of a loving father and mother,” and “a committed natural marriage” were important to his relationship to Christ.
(Also on the now-deleted website is the quote: “Healthy, vibrant, thriving, values-driven families are the source of Ohio’s proud history…” Values-driven, eh? I guess that means something different to everybody.)
Wes spent his time working with Jim Jordan, a fellow Ohio congressman whose opposition to gay marriage makes nothing but sense, since he spent most of his life rolling around on a mat with other men.
Anyway, yes, Wes Goodman was that special kind of Christian that says “gay is bad” while having gay sex with men. Big whoop; happens all the time. Well, here’s where it gets fun: Goodman’s affairs were apparently no secret to many of his Conservative Christian friends.
The Cincinnati-based Citizens for Community Values—a group whose name might as well just be “Citizens for No Homo,” given their only real reason for existing is to wag their fingers at the LGBTQ community—actually knew about Goodman’s gayness, but believed he was “dealing with it.”
Hmmm… that almost makes it sound like gay is a choice, and that Goodman could will himself to be heterosexual if he just prayed hard enough.
So if they all knew, then why didn’t they continue to keep his secret? Well, it’s one thing to have affairs, but as Bill Clinton found out the hard (zing!) way: when you get caught in your office, that’s a whole other ball of wax. I mean, once you’re out (zing again!), you’re out.
Plus, let’s be honest here: these groups are agenda-driven, and nothing more. There is morality, and there’s accomplishment. If the two don’t mix? Ditch the morality.
For Jesus, of course.
After all, Goodman was a Republican, and if he didn’t get into office, then one of them there nasty queer liberal-loving hippies might be elected. Who knows what one of those “demekrats” might vote for in office? Gay marriage? Legislation that made hate-crimes against LGBTQ people actual crimes?
Well now, that would be just too much for good, Ohio families to live through. No, better to put in someone who is gay, but who also knows his place—shamefully in the closet—into the office.
That way he can vote for Jesus-approved legislation, even if he’s sinning on the side.
Unfortunately for America, nitpickers didn’t see it that way, and Mr. Goodman resigned after being publicly shamed for his harmless physical gay actions.
We are weaker for it.
Thank God we still have Trump at the helm.
Comedian and author Nathan Timmel writes WWJDW (What Would Jesus Do Wednesdays) here on Laughing in Disbelief. His books include Are You There, Xenu? It’s Me, Nathan
You can find Nathan on his site and @NathanTimmel on Twitter.