Reading Time: 4 minutes The Man of the Dart. The Man of the Javelin. Sacred texts say he was the oldest person who ever lived… His name was Methuselah and—in spite of the fact that he is a well-known figure in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam—he is still a largely an enigma centuries after his death. Or at least… he […]
Kyle Morrison
As a comedy writer, the details of my life are depressing at best and sketchy at worst. I have written for all of the best comedy sites and none of the bad ones, resulting in a net gain of half a ham sandwich. I also write humorous japes like "The Kenney High School 2020 Yearbook," "Twain: American Rascal," and the forthcoming "Upside Down Monkey World" under both my own name and the brand name National Lackwit. Available now on Amazon.
Posted inComedy
Let’s see your precious ‘Easter Bunny’ rise from the dead!
Reading Time: 3 minutes Hey kids, come on out here! Daddy has a grisly surprise! No, it’s not Grandpa. You know how I’ve been trying to lead you kids to the unconditional love of God and, you know, keep Him from sending you to burn in Hell for all eternity? Yes, you’ve all been very brave and alternately mocked […]
Posted inComedy
The Jesus-Analog Cat, The Boring Old Biddy, and the Unsupervised Kitchen Appliance – Chapter 3
Reading Time: 8 minutes Lola ran out of the junky room down the hallway, looking for her siblings. Primarily because there wasn’t anyone else to talk to. “Pay attention,” she snapped. “I’m back!” “What in God’s name are you talking about, Lola?” sneered Sadie. “You haven’t been wondering where I was? Wait, don’t answer that.” “I’ll answer that,” Parker […]
Posted inComedy
The Jesus-Analog Cat, The Boring Old Biddy, and the Unsupervised Kitchen Appliance – Chapter 2
Reading Time: 8 minutes The horrible little man was only a little taller than Lola herself and he carried over his head an unseasonal umbrella. Later in life, Lola would look at such a thing with a sneer and think, ‘Ugh, damn hipster,’ and vote against her own interests just to keep such a person from climbing any further […]
Posted inComedy
My dad can beat up your dad, Jesus—by Eric Trump
Reading Time: 3 minutes We get a lot of mail here at OnlySky. More often than not, it’s the same old chestnut about how God loves us and we’re going to Hell. Sometimes we get thoughtful responses and rebuttals from learned theologians. More often than not, though, we get open letters from people who’ve been shooed out of every […]
Posted inSatire
‘Imagine’: The John Lennon classic that might have been
Reading Time: 5 minutes Since its initial release in 1971, there’s arguably been no song more run into the ground than John Lennon’s “Imagine.” To some, it is a vague ode to world peace and humanism, to others a vague attack on religion and capitalism. Either way, it has kept Yoko Ono more than comfortable these last 50 years […]
Posted inSatire
Look Out! It’s the End of the World! Again!
Reading Time: 8 minutes To sensible adults who’ve read a book, current events in Ukraine look like the unhinged flailing of an old man with a micro-penis, but, to people with bloodthirsty imaginary friends, IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT! AGAIN! This time for real, though! Haha, no. Not really. For that to be the […]
Posted inSatire
Kickin’ It with the Son of Satan!
Reading Time: 2 minutes What’s it like to be Christianity’s greatest supervillain, plot to take over the world, and inspire dread in millions of evangelicals and conspiracy theorists before you’ve graduated from high school? We caught up with the Angel of Darkness to find out! When you’re hanging out in your room, hucking cupcakes at the wall, and thinking […]
Posted inComedy
The Jesus-Analog Cat, The Boring Old Biddy, and the Unsupervised Kitchen Appliance – Chapter 1
Reading Time: 8 minutes ONCE THERE WERE FOUR CHILDREN whose names were Parker, Sadie, Emmett, and Lola. This story is about something that allegedly happened to them which necessitated many years of therapy. It began when they were sent away from their home “because of the war.” Of course, this was just what they were told. The children—all except […]
Posted inSatire
Time travel abortion? Sign some up, others say
Reading Time: 3 minutes Who doesn’t love science fictiony concepts like reproductive rights?