Reading Time: 2 minutes

Once again, disgraced Mars Hill Church (MHC) pastor Mark Driscoll proved he is more paranoid than pastoral. In a sermon delivered on October 22, 2022 at Trinity Church (Scottsdale, AZ) as part of his ongoing sermon series on Nehemiah, Driscoll presented himself as more narcissistic than Nehemiah-like. 

Rather than addressing the multiple charges of abuse leveled against him by former Mars Hill Church leaders and members, Driscoll informed his new congregation that his critics and enemies set a trap to get him out of the pulpit by accusing him of adultery.

Apparently, God spoke to Mark and his wife Grace, telling them they are released from their ministry at Mars Hill Church. In addition, God informed Mark that this trap was set. In a true gaslighting for God moment, Driscoll urged his faithful flock to “Love, honor, and respect Christian leaders and pastors. Don’t assume the worst, assume the best. And don’t believe everything you hear, and don’t contribute to the gossip that just takes lies and gives them life.” 

To date, no correspondence, photos, or video have emerged showing Driscoll sowing or spilling his seed.

Furthermore, accounts by former MHC elder Sutton Turner, along with extensive reporting by multiple sources point to spiritual, financial, and emotional abuse not adultery as the reasons behind Driscoll’s removal from both MHC and Acts 29

This incident does not represent the first time Driscoll utilized the Bible as a weapon to further advance his image of a sexual savior sent by Jesus to ensure that any expressions of S-E-X remain confined to the marital bed. In his heavily plagiarized New York Times bestseller Real Marriage, Driscoll encouraged godly girls to “take one for the team” by serving their holy husbands’ deviant desires. No matter what a worshipful woman’s personal preferences might be, God has ordained faithful females to bless their spiritual spouses with a biblical blowjob (aka holy hummer) and even allow these devoted dudes to enter from their backdoor. (Somehow, the concepts of consent or cunnilingus never enters the mind of missional-minded males like Mark.) 

Then we have Driscoll’s pornification of Song of Solomon along with his instructions for the care and feeding of the horny-but-holy penis. These proclamations were too full of Jesus Juice for Driscoll to deliver such icky exegeses in person. Instead, he had to adopt the moniker William Wallace II from the movie Braveheart in order to drop these nasty nuggets into Mars Hill Church’s private online chat forum. 

Driscoll may claim he knows who he is, proclaiming how he can’t wait to stand before his Jesus. “It’s going to be a great day for me!” As of this writing, repeated prayers to Jesus asking for his reactions to this forthcoming meeting have not been answered.

God has likewise yet to confirm that he’s ever spoken directly with the Driscolls, though the Holy Ghost thinks this whole saga is more spooky than spiritual. 

Avatar photo

As a freelance writer with dual MDiv/MSW degree from Yale Divinity School and Columbia University, I focus on the rise of secular spirituality, religious satire, spiritual health & wellness, faith...