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With the release of new documents detailing how multiple employees at Ramsey Solutions were fired for certain sexual activities, Dave Ramsey, one of America’s best-known evangelical financial advice gurus just came out with his list of Ten Commandments. These newfangled commandments illuminate how Ramsey manages to sell his gospel of “financial peace” by offering “Biblically based, common sense” wisdom on debt, investing, and retirement.

  1. I am the CEO of cash, who brought you out of the land of debt, out of the house of bankruptcy; you shall have no other financial guru before me.
  2. You shall not hire for yourself an advisor, whether in the form of anyone who works on Wall Street, or who is on The New York Times bestseller list, or who operates under the radar. You shall not give money to them or follow them; for I, the CEO of cash, am a jealous advisor, punishing non-believers for their refusal to bow before me, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who pay me and follow me without questioning.
  3. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of Dave Ramsey your advisor, for I am a vengeful CEO and will pull a gun at a staff meeting when I feel called to do so.
  4. Remember my huge 2020 indoor Christmas party, and keep my workplace mask-free lest I ridicule you. Every day you shall labor and do all your work on-site. Fear retribution should you object to Ramsey Solutions’ control over your personal life for I will fire your butt at any time for any reason.
  5. Buy my parenting books, so that your children may be homeschooled in the ways that, I Ramsey your advisor commands. 
  6. You shall not murder my reputation.
  7. You shall not violate my righteous living policy by engaging in sex outside of marriage, coming out as LGBT, or watching porn. (Exception made for Chris Hogan best-selling author and speaker for my company.)
  8. You shall not steal (that’s my job). 
  9. You shall not criticize me on social media lest I go ballistic. 
  10. You shall not covet my houses, you shall not covet my wife, or my male or female slaves employees, or my cars, or my $200 million net worth
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As a freelance writer with dual MDiv/MSW degree from Yale Divinity School/Columbia University, I focus on the rise of secular spirituality, religious satire, spiritual health & wellness, faith &...