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Police are still digging through the rubble of a North California outdoor adventure center after a Twitter team-building weekend went horribly wrong. 

“Twitter rented the entire facility for the weekend. We hired a security guard and left them at it,” said Tony Mercado, the owner and operator of NorCal Adventure. “We still haven’t found that guard. Someone saw him run screaming into the woods.”

The entire site has been closed off and police are interviewing a number of witnesses in conjunction with the disaster. 

“One of the scheduled tasks was moving a pile of wood from one place to another,” said one shocked witness. “Musk chased off anyone who approached the pile of wood. He then spent hours using string and sticky tape to put together a makeshift helicopter. It was insane. But it worked.”

Musk takes over

Details are sketchy. Musk apparently dismissed his entire staff on a number of team-building exercises, then tried to solve a series of puzzles specifically designed to be unsolvable without team participation. Things reached a head when Musk decided the quickest way to solve one particular problem was to burn the entire facility to the ground.

“He said the quickest, most efficient way to get rid of the logs was not to ferry them across the little lake into the barrel as was clearly and obviously the intent, but to burn everything. Musk referred to this as ‘brute-forcing’ the log problem,” said the witness. “He told the rest of us to just wait in the parking lot until he was done.” 

Musk has offered to pay for the damage, and the latest reports indicate that he is building his own team-building park with puzzles that are designed to also be solvable by individuals if they are clever enough.

Barry Purcell lives in Ireland and writes about religion, philosophy, psychology, politics and language for a variety of paper and online publications. He has been involved in campaigns to counteract the...