Reading Time: 2 minutes After watching the third episode of the video game-based HBO show The Last of Us, I am digging several pits to find the love of my life. It’s only a matter of time before I find my soul mate at the bottom of one of my 10-foot-deep holes in the ground. As you are probably […]
Comedy
Funny comics, jokes, and memes, with a secular twist at OnlySky, a secular community for nonreligious Americans.
Posted inSatire
Lauren Boebert shoots herself while shooting at the Chinese spy balloon
Reading Time: 2 minutes Republican Lauren Boebert shot herself in the foot while shooting at one of the Chinese spy balloons. The injury is non-life threatening and she is expected to make a full recovery. The representative from Colorado’s 3rd district flew to Montana specifically to “take out” the spy balloon first noticed a few days ago. The Pentagon […]
Posted inSatire
New Zealand thanks God
Reading Time: < 1 minute Relief efforts are underway in New Zealand after their worst flooding in history. This morning, a welcome force for good joined the government agencies. God (6,027), a familiar face to Jews and Christians everywhere, was seen donning a reflective vest and helping move some sandbags. “No one, to my knowledge, prayed for this specific outcome,” […]
Posted inSatire
Montana’s law threatens science teachers with severe punishment
Reading Time: 2 minutes A Republican state senator recently proposed to ban scientific theories from classrooms and only teach science facts. The bill is the brainchild of Senator Daniel Emrich and causing quite a commotion in the state known as Big Sky Country. The legislation comes on the heels of Florida forcing teachers to rename Homo sapiens to People […]
Posted inSatire
Jon Stewart is in crisis after sitting next to Pete Davidson at a Knicks game
Reading Time: 2 minutes It was supposed to be a fun night out with Jon Stewart and Pete Davidson at the New York Knicks game, but it turned out to be the beginning of an existential crisis for the man who once helmed The Daily Show. Friends of Stewart report the 60-year-old comedian up until this point was happy […]
Posted inCulture
Horrible advice from old people
Reading Time: 3 minutes Reddit user Beatrix Kiddo asked a simple question, What’s a piece of advice that old people like to give that is absolutely useless in 2023? It’s a simple question, but sometimes the simplest queries lead to some interesting answers. And for me this is personal. One of my kids is about to graduate high school […]
Posted inSatire
Elon Musk sacrificed to pay Twitter’s interest payment
Reading Time: 2 minutes CEO of Twitter Elon Musk reportedly made personal sacrifices to make the first installment of Twitter’s $1.5 billion per year interest payment. The agreement he made with borrowers when he bought the social media platform stipulates Twitter make four annual payments of $300 million. And the first one hit the CEO and employees hard. Everyone […]
Posted inSatire
Justice Thomas says he would ‘wife up’ Amy Coney Barrett ‘in a heartbeat’
Reading Time: 2 minutes Washington DC – Justice Clarence Thomas is secretly taking anti-harassment classes due to his numerous inappropriate remarks made to Justice Amy Coney Barret. Chief Justice John Roberts ordered the 74-year-old Thomas to attend the classes after several incidences. On more than one occasion Thomas has said he would “wife up” the 51-year-old Barret ‘in a […]
Posted inSatire
State map reveals nothing
Reading Time: < 1 minute The United States Bureau of Statistics has revealed what a map of America would look like right now if each state had a 50% chance of being red or blue. “The future is hard to predict,” said Liam Smalls, a spokesman for the Bureau. “However, we can be utterly certain about which side of the coin […]
Posted inSatire
People are going crazy over Passover Paint
Reading Time: 2 minutes CNN – Camden, Mississippi is like many rural areas in The Magnolia State who have fallen in love with Passover Paint. Its people live simple lives. They get up in the morning, go to work, and when they come back home many of them don’t worry about their firstborn children being killed by the angel […]