Hi and welcome back! I saw this post on the subreddit r/FundieSnarkUncensored earlier, and I just had to laugh. It was so perfect as an illustration of exactly why Christianity is in decline and will never recover. In it, yet another evangelical accidentally reveals that she knows perfectly well that prayer doesn’t work the way Christians claim it does. Today, Lord Snow Presides over the praying Christian hypocrites who reveal all their tribe’s cards to their enemies.
(This week’s 1st-Century Friday topic can be found here. A ‘fundagelical’ is an evangelical Christian who takes a fundamentalist view of the Bible. At one time, evangelicals considered themselves completely distinct from fundamentalists. Now there’s not even a sliver of light between ’em. I didn’t make up the word, but I sure like it.)
The Reality-TV Clan That Sailed a Thousand Ships.
This social media post was too, too funny.
Transcription: These lovely Redditers [sic] have had my name in their mouths and at the tip of their typing fingers since 2016 after we were on Counting On. I guess they have nothing better to do than to love on and support internet strangers they don’t know. [smiley emoji covered in hearts]
I pray for them, genuinely. Although they’re annoyingly obsessed with anything I put on the internet, I pray for them because I know they’re miserable and lost.
At least the writer didn’t reply with a link to a video of a famous megapastor talking about farting, or whatever that weirdo Sam Rainer did that one time in response to me. In that case, I can honestly say that once again, a fundagelical perceived my low opinion of his tribe and immediately asked me to hold his Bible so he could break out the backhoe and lower it even further.
This time, though, seriously: who hasn’t seen a fundagelical snarl about praying for someone they despise? As a retaliation tactic, it’s as old as the hills.
Context: Who’s Praying For What, Now?
That social-media snarl comes to us from Kristen Nicole Young. I didn’t even remember who that was, but the forum Free Jinger (hi, guys! y’all rock) says she’s “a close friend” of Jessa Duggar. Counting On apparently featured Young’s baby shower in one episode.
(Hooboy. Can our civilization just please finally get away from the Duggar clown car and their sheer dysfunction and nastiness? Please?)
Really, Young appears to be one of the typical young, fundagelical zealot women produced by Christian wingnuts like the Duggars. She’s firmly anti-vax and a culture warrior, shills for various sponsored products, dabbles in businesses that seem doomed to fail, posts incessantly about religion and “natural” remedies, rails against her bisexual brother but somehow forgets Josh Duggar molested his sisters and got arrested for possessing child porn, and gushes about short-term mission trips (as evangelicals seem to be contractually-obligated to do these days).
Here’s one of her other posts along those lines:
Various online gossip sites frequently host criticisms of Young’s breathtaking hypocrisy, which has brought out her inner authoritarian in a major way.
Criticism demands chest-thumping and vicious retaliation from authoritarians. They can’t just ignore it. They can’t walk away from it. Everything in them is howling for revenge:
Plow the fields with fire. Then salt the earth with blood. The ickie subhuman barbarians must learn never to dare speak against their masters — ever again.
I agree with Free Jinger: Kristin Nicole Young seems to have a serious anger problem she’s avoiding by plastering it over with Christianese and a simpering facade. Hey, it worked for Mama Duggar! (Sorta-kinda.)
Hypocrisy Defined: Praying Used as a Threat.
As a fervent fundagelical woman, however, Kristen Nicole Young’s options for dealing with ego-stinging criticism are sharply limited to sweetsy-syrupy condescension and acidic passive aggression. Her response to those critics, therefore, is completely characteristic of her tribe: pure, twice-milled and distilled fundagelical nastiness.
Only a fundagelical could possibly talk about praying for their enemies and it come out like that. It’s beyond hilarious. I can’t even be mad, and I doubt her critics are mad either — or scared, or whatever she hoped would happen after she loftily informed them that she was gonna tell her imaginary friend on them and they’d sure find out.
Talk about pathetic. She wants to look all loving and Jesus-y, but her sheer aggression leaks out from all corners.
What she wanted her enemies to take away from her talk about praying is absolutely not what they ever will take away from it. She’s using the coin her tribe minted here for plausible deniability, but her enemies do not accept that coin — and never will. They’re under no obligation to maintain her pretense of sweetness and niceness.
What Kristen Nicole Young Accidentally Revealed in Her Post.
There’s a lot going on in that short post in terms of power dynamics, as well. She’s trying to seize a parental position in the power dynamic she perceives here, which she thinks will allow her to get extra-condescending toward her enemies.
To be evangelical, as she is, is to be authoritarian. The more fervent the evangelical, the more authoritarian. Authoritarians gravitate to this flavor of Christianity because it grants them permission to act out.
I can tell that Kristen Nicole Young really wants to present herself as being so very, very above such pettiness as criticism. That she looks down on and feels she is vastly superior to all of her critics. I’m sure she was particularly proud of her last insulting barbs.
And in her unasked-for prayer, which she must know is also unwanted by her enemies, she is pushing her desires over their own. She’d never talk like that to her pastor, or to her husband’s superiors. This kind of offer of prayer is done only as an expression of seized power over others, and the fact that it’s unasked-for and unwanted is the whole point of her saying it.
So first of all, her post revealed that she is frantic and furious about the criticism she’s received. I guarantee she’s projecting here by saying her enemies are obsessed with her. If anything, she’s obsessed with them (and has been for years).
And What Evangelicals ALWAYS Reveal by Accident When Praying in Public.
The second thing Kristen Nicole Young reveals in her post is that she’s well aware that prayer does nothing magical at all.
After all, in order for her enemies to know she is praying at all for them, she has to tell them she’s doing it. Otherwise, they won’t ever know.
Nothing weird would be happening around them. No miracles would be occurring. Young knows this, and so she lets them know she’s totally praying for them.
For that matter, when I was Christian, I constantly heard people say they would pray for someone, but if it didn’t happen in church around observers than it just never happened at all. People constantly lamented that they didn’t pray often enough. So really, the chances are good that this threat began and ended with a snotty social-media post.
So there’s that, at least. Imagine being such a narcissist that you think a real live god gives a flying F&#* in a jar about your petty middle-school-level social-media drama.
When Praying Hypocrites Represent a Breath of Fresh Air.
What a world. In a month where human rights are very much on my mind, I need a breath of fresh air like this from time to time.
I need to know that unless evangelicals manage to institute compulsory church membership for all Americans, Christianity is never regaining its cultural power simply because nobody decent voluntarily joins a group whose members act like Kristen Nicole Young.
The last thing I’d ever want is entering an afterlife populated with passive-aggressive Mean Girls being snotty at me. Middle school was bad enough the first time. I’m certainly not wasting my one finite lifetime hanging around people like that!
And lookie there: right on time, right when I need it, along comes Kristen Nicole Young.
So today, Lord Snow Presides over the steady reassurance that evangelicals offer us through their rampant hypocrisy.
As long as they act like this, friends (and they always will; they literally can’t act any other way), then we will be okay.
NEXT UP: Is our world ready for yet another childish attempt to make Christianity look like the one religion that is totally correct and for-realsies out of all the thousands of competitors? This one comes with an extra dollop of authoritarian outrage. We’ll check it out tomorrow — see you then!
1st-Century Friday Topic:
For 1st-CENTURY FRIDAY: We’re going to dive into Tacitus. Christians keep insisting he offers PROOF YES PROOF that Jesus totes existed as the Gospels say he did. Alas for them, he really isn’t.
As always, nobody is required to do anything. I’m just offering a heads-up about what Friday will contain, in case anyone wants to check it out for themselves ahead of time. (Back to the post!)
About Lord Snow Presides (LSP)
Lord Snow Presides is our off-topic weekly chat series. Lord Snow was my very sweet white cat. He actually knew quite a bit. Though he’s passed on, he now presides over a suggested topic for the day. Of course, please feel free to chime in with anything on your mind: there’s no official topic on these days. I’m just starting us off with something, but consider the sky the limit here. We especially welcome pet pictures!
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