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Dear Moms Of The Pacific Palisades Group,

I am writing this letter because you all have hurt me today.

For the past five years, this mommy group has been a haven for me. We’ve all made soap together. We’ve meditated in front of the same positive wave-generating machines together.

And we had our immunity parties together.

Our kids mingled and got the flu TOGETHER.

Our kids got chickenpox TOGETHER.

And they got COVID TOGETHER (still praying for you, Jeremy!)

We gave a big “uh uh sweetie” to those scientists and their pill-pushing, pharma backing, went-to-medical-school attitudes, and did our own research. We were tired of waiting around for the inevitable so we just decided to girlboss it, and rip off the bandaid. We’re all going to be exposed to polio, so let’s just get it over with!

Together, we were the herd immunity we chose to bring into this world.

All of that togetherness was SHATTERED last night.

I know you all got invites to Benji’s Polio Immunity Party. The website shows who’s opened the emails. We have that technology. And yet NONE of you showed up. I was more embarrassed than I have ever been and poor Benji was just devastated.

We had a beautiful spread set up. I had catering and light drinks, and I had moved Benji’s iron lung to the corner of the room and was going to have the kids line up to get sneezed on. This was going to be another victory for us to do it ourselves, SoCal ladies.

It turned out to be one of the most hurtful experiences of my LIFE.

And then I heard that Josette is taking Emily and Mateo to the doctor to get immunized against polio?!?

Ummm, ladies, have we lost our frickin’ minds?!

I thought the whole reason we started this group was to prevent those ugly, ugly drugs from being injected into our beautiful babies’ bodies. What, do we like autism now? Because that’s how you get autism!

Polio is just like all the other diseases we’ve gotten through (with a couple life-altering exceptions) so I am literally baffled as to what’s going on.

I am open to resolving this deep wound that’s been caused by this betrayal, if you all are willing to apologize immediately and allow Benji to expose your children to polio. Only then can the hurt from this snubbing start to heal.

I expect you all at my house between the hours of 10 and 12 (Benji doesn’t really have any energy past noon). Let’s do the right thing ladies. Walkers are cheap, our values are priceless.

Sincerely,
Samantha

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Casey Karaman is a writer, performer, improviser, and teacher who has worked with the Washington Improv Theater. He has performed in multiple theater productions, most recently in Second City's production...