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Since you were wondering, conservative Christian mouthpiece Bryan Fischer has a list of 6 qualities the next U.S. President must possess.
Implied throughout the list: a Y chromosome.
But let’s see how much worse this gets…

1. He must be a patriot.

We have seen over the last six years what a president looks like who sees himself as a citizen of the world first, and who puts America’s needs and interests second to whatever he perceives to be our responsibility to be good global citizens. No, we need a president of unquestioned loyalty to this country and to its people, whose primary concern is the safety and well-being of the citizens of this land.

Yes, we need a President who loves America… and gives a big middle finger to the rest of the world. Because the country, just like Fischer, must live in a bubble.

2. He must believe in a strong national defense.

Well, that doesn’t sound so bad…

He must be a commander-in-chief who puts military readiness ahead of any trendy causes, such as homosexual privilege or gender equality, which erode military capability.

Ah… there’s the Fischer we were expecting. Any President who thinks women and gay men can defend our country is automatically disqualified.

3. He must be a faithful husband.

Seems somewhat irrelevant, but I suppose that goes toward overall trustworthiness. On that count, though, shouldn’t Fischer love Obama? Yet, the entire point proceeds without a single mention of the current President or his family.

4. He must be a man of unimpeachable integrity.

Good luck finding that anywhere in Washington…

5. He must be a man of humility.
We cannot afford to have another example of what Democrat strategist Pat Caddell calls “a raging narcissist” in the Oval Office. We need a president who is not flushed with arrogance and hubris and conceit but a man who is humbled by the awesome responsibility of his office and has an awareness of his own limitations.

You know, I’m pretty sure anyone who thinks s/he’s capable of being one of the most powerful people in the world, by definition, isn’t the most humble person out there. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, for what it’s worth, but every President I can think of has remarked on how humbled he’s felt by the power of the position.

6. He must be a student of Scripture and the Constitution.

We need a president who is an unapologetic man of Christian faith who reveres the word of God, immerses himself in it and is guided by it

We need someone who both respects the Constitution and ignores the Constitution. (Also, fuck you, Jews.)

The funniest thing about the list is that one could make the argument that, by Fischer’s own criteria, Obama is the perfect President. Good luck getting him to admit that, though.
(Image via Shutterstock)

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Hemant Mehta is the founder of, a YouTube creator, podcast co-host, and author of multiple books about atheism. He can be reached at @HemantMehta.