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The Church of England has just published a set of prayers for people to use before dealing with their computers, according to the Telegraph. Because when you’re working on something that has you constantly using God’s name in vain, might as well counter it with a blessing.

The latest edition of the book Consecrations, Blessings and Prayers, published by Canterbury Press, even includes words of comfort for those installing a new network:

‘May it be an inspiration to do good,’ the blessing says and, ‘a profitable investment.’

And don’t you dare visit those websites that we all know you’re visiting…

The prayers ask that ‘through our journeys through the internet we will direct our hands and eyes only to that which is pleasing’ to God.

There are also prayers for people who might lash out at strangers on social media. That’s helpful… I’m sure all those alt-Right trolls on Twitter will remember to open up their book of prayer before calling liberals snowflakes.

The whole premise of the book makes no sense. The kind of people who wreak havoc online are hardly the kind of people who would read God’s word before they go trolling. But if you prefer reading a book of blessings before visiting 8chan, I guess you’re all set now.

(Image via Shutterstock. Thanks to Brian for the link)

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Hemant Mehta is the founder of, a YouTube creator, podcast co-host, and author of multiple books about atheism. He can be reached at @HemantMehta.