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Michele Bachmann believes God is on her side today during the Iowa caucuses:

“I think we’re going to surprise a lot of people,” said Bachmann, a Waterloo native and social conservative who is a U.S. representative from Minnesota. She serves on the House Intelligence Committee, which she thinks gives her an edge on national security and foreign policy issues.

“I think it will be a miracle,” Bachmann said in an interview aboard her campaign bus. “If you look at the current polling data, I think we’re going to see a miracle. I believe in miracles and the one who sends them, and so we are very confident about tomorrow.”

Funny. God told me she’d fall in a distant 5th

Actually, God’s calling Rick Perry:

During one speech last week, Perry implied, without quite saying as much, that he felt called by God to run for president. “I have basically been called to serve my country,” he said on Wednesday in Urbandale. “That’s what this election is about. It is not about me. It is about this country.” He added: “Your country is calling you. At a matter of fact, your children are counting on you to answer the call. And the Lord said to the Prophet Isaiah, he said, ‘Who shall I send? Who will go for us? And Isaiah held his hand up and said, ‘Here I am. Send me.’ Your country is calling you today. Your country is calling you to do your duty. And I would suggest and ask that you join me in this mission, that you hold up your hand and say, ‘Here I am.’”

That is, unless Newt Gingrich finally got ahold of Him:

“I pray before virtually every speech and virtually every major decision,” Gingrich said.

Gingrich converted to Catholicism only a few years ago, after marrying his wife, Callista, whom he credits for his faith.

“Callista is a cradle Catholic and grew up in the Catholic church, I’m a convert. But all I can tell you is I find taking communion an enormously rewarding and deepening experience,” Gingrich said.

Or maybe God’s just spreading the Santorum love:

Surrounded by pastors and spiritual leaders on Sunday, Santorum said he was trying to “walk down a path that God is leading me.” “I figured if this is what he is calling me to do, then I just have to go out and work hard”…

This will all be hilarious if Ron Paul walks away with a victory today 🙂

If you want a perfect indication of how godly-thinking messes with any semblance of logic, just check out this passage:

At a Santorum event in Polk City on Monday, Vicki DeValois, a pre-school teacher, said she felt sure God cared who won the caucuses.

“I think God definitely has a plan,” she said. “He has a plan for everybody and anything.”

Dave, her husband, said he didn’t think God cares about things like the outcome of NFL games, but that he did believe God had guidance to give on the caucus choice.

“It may sound strange, but we pray and seek guidance on an issue like that,” he said.

But if God really had a preference, why wouldn’t he make it unmistakably clear?

“Maybe it is as simply as God saying, ‘I’m not going to make it that simple,’” he suggested.

Or, you know, maybe your god doesn’t exist and you’re just gonna vote for whomever you’d like.

If Iowa Caucus voters were intelligent, they would realize that these candidates are just trying to pander to them. They know if they say the magical G-word, voters will flock to them. Don’t reward them with your votes. Call them out on it instead. Cast your votes in another direction.

Better yet, everyone just vote for Rick Santorum. He would get crushed so badly in a general election — even in America — that I’m actively rooting for him today.

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Hemant Mehta is the founder of FriendlyAtheist.com, a YouTube creator, podcast co-host, and author of multiple books about atheism. He can be reached at @HemantMehta.