Overview:

The six conservative Justices who make up the NRA wing of the Supreme Court have their own preferences when it comes to guns.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

On the heels of a recent massacre of ten-year-olds in a Texas school, six conservative Supreme Court Justices have ruled to expand gun rights in the USA, including the right to carry concealed weapons.

Now is a great time to inquire into the Justices own preferences in weaponry.

First, let’s note that all six conservative Justices enjoy the use of señorita pistols (the tiniest of guns) because these weapons can be discreetly strapped to each calf using decorative leather bands. And a señorita pistol, as everyone knows, can be wielded as deftly as a wand. The Justices have actually given some thought to requiring all Americans above the age of five to wear two such pistols on their two calves during waking hours.

Beyond the señorita similarity, each Justice has their own peculiar favorites in weaponry.

Samuel Alito likes the Savage Arms 301 single-round shotgun and keeps it inside his foyer in his home, by the front door. (It is apparently visible to the Domino’s pizza delivery guy.) In terms of semi-automatic rifles, Alito is very fond of his Smith & Wesson M&P15 Sport II with a scope and 50-round clip. He got this gun for a bargain at $500. In the pistol arena, in addition to his two señoritas, Alito favors a Colt M 1911 for its military look and muffled discharge. 

Clarence Thomas fancies pump-action shotguns and though he has several varieties of these guns from different makers, he really loves his Mossberg 590 for its scattershot pattern and its overall badass look. Thomas likes to travel with a Ruger AR-556 semi-automatic under his car seat, especially when he ventures into New Jersey. As to pistols, in addition to the two señorita pistols on his calves, Thomas loves his Sig Sauer P938 with mother of pearl handles.

Amy Coney Barrett likes guns with delicate wood grain stocks, so it’s no surprise she owns a single-shot Henry Repeating Arms shotgun. Barrett can down a green wing teal duck at 40 yards with this thing. As to pistols, in addition to her four señorita pistols (she has an extra ornamental set for formal affairs), Justice Barrett likes the Springfield XD-S because its bullets can penetrate and pass through a foot of concrete.

Brett Kavanaugh is a bit of a loner among the conservative Justices because he uses only the two señorita pistols on a daily basis. Sure, he has a collection of about two dozen defunct Diamondback DH15 semi-automatic rifles set up in a glass cabinet in his living room, but the triggering apparatuses have been removed because of the kids.

Neil Gorsuch, in addition to his two señorita pistols, loves, and I mean absolutely loves, his KelTec KSG pump action shotgun. When he got it as a birthday gift, onlookers said he looked as happy as the day his first child was born. Gorsuch keeps this weapon under his side of the bed at night, and by day hangs it on deer antlers over his dining room door. Gorsuch also enjoys his two Rossi Single Shot shotguns, his Browning BT-99 Single Shot shotgun, and his Remington Arms Encore Muzzleloading Rifle.

John Roberts, perhaps the most sophisticated in gun tastes among his conservative peers, keeps three Henry AR US Survival Rifles near him at all times, in addition to the two señorita pistols he has strapped to his calves.

That’s it for the six conservatives Justices’ guns, as far as we now know. There is more to tell in all manner of attending accouterments. Coney Barrett likes a lightweight flak jacket but Alito prefers the 20-pounder. Gorsuch swears by night vision glasses but Thomas relies on his own keen sight on such occasions. Kavanaugh likes smoke bomb diversions but Roberts has a few conscientious legal objections to such things. As to knives, three of the conservative Justices own the Gerber Ultimate Survival Fixed Blade Knife, two prefer the Judgment Day Automatic OTT Knuckle Knife, and Coney Barrett is alone in liking the Combat Commander Trench Knife 10065.

Hopefully “Drop And Shoot To Kill” magazine will do a full profile of the NRA-wing of the Supreme Court and we’ll learn juicer details about the Justices’ habits of self-protection. We can hardly wait!

J. H. McKenna (Ph.D.) has taught the history of religion since 1999 at the University of California, where he has won teaching awards. He has published in academic journals and the LA Times, Huffington...