Six conservative corporate Justices rule that the EPA (wherein the P means 'protection') cannot actually protect us from pollutants.

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Six conservative corporate Supreme Court Justices determined that the Environmental Protection Agency is not actually empowered to protect us from corporate polluters

Match the six Justices (Thomas, Roberts, Alito, Gorsuch, Kavanagh, Barrett) to the sayings and deeds below:

  • Says climate is a man-made concept and marvels that anyone would major in such a bogus pseudo-science as that.
  • Says they believe in clouds, but only the cumulus ones, and attributes rising temperatures to the non-cumulus clouds, like the cirrus stratus ones.
  • Says that temperature is all biblical and predicted by the prophets, and expresses deep amusement that anyone thinks the little old sun can hurt the great big earth.
  • Says they firmly believe in rain and its equivalents and hope some day to reach a deal with rain.
  • Says their small childhood chemistry set disproves climate change.
  • Says climate science is a socialist plot aiming to emasculate American men.
  • Empties car ashtrays onto streets while stopped at red lights.
  • Burns huge piles of Maple leaves in a front yard ditch, much to the neighbors’ vexation.
  • Smokes Habano Maduro cigars inside restaurants and defies anyone to ‘regulate’ them.
  • Plants garbage on beaches for volunteers to gig and remove.
  • Kicks trash cans over at public parks, yelling, “Take that, you civic intrusion!”
  • Keeps a permanent chemical spill on the edge of their property.

For the correct answers (and a glossy photo of the six corporate Justices posing with huge smiles in front of a decaying smokestack) write to the Records Room, Supreme Court, 1 First Street, N.E., Washington, DC, 20543. Include a self-addressed stamped envelope, which will be mailed back to you, sealed with a sooty kiss.

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J. H. McKenna (Ph.D.) has taught the history of religion since 1999 at the University of California, where he has won teaching awards. He has published in academic journals and the LA Times, Huffington...