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As heartening as it is to know that religion is on the decline, it seems to me we need to reckon with the fact that it will probably never die out completely. Like the flu. 

Even if it were to disappear, it wouldn’t be for long. We especially can’t compel non-belief without being hypocrites. 

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What is religion in a post-religious world?

The standard approach of the New Atheists was to beat people over the head with facts while entirely ignoring their artistic and symbolic needs. Those are things most people have. 

So then a bunch of hucksters came in and filled those symbolic voids, spewing utter nonsense, and those people got rich and influential even though their ideas were terrible. 

The New Atheist movement felt good in the moment. It felt righteous. But it bred a streak of toxic masculinity that permeated the culture and exacerbated the political divisions within the wider secular movement and much of American culture.

It occurred to me that here on OnlySky, a progressive Christian or two might happen by. As a Satanist, I want them to know I understand that quitting your god addiction can be difficult. But much like quitting smoking, there are treatment options available. 

I now present the first in a continuing series: Better Know a Deity, where we teach you about other gods you could believe in that are more in line with what you actually believe. Think of other gods like methadone—not great but better than quitting Jesus cold-turkey.

Plus I get to actively encourage you to break the first commandment, which is just good clean wholesome fun for a Satanist. 🍎

Menhit: Lady Jesus Lion Goddess

Today’s deity is the Nubian war goddess Menhit. Menhit is a great choice for all you Jesus-loving liberal ladies out there who can’t imagine living without faith, but really want to defend your daughter’s right to abortion. 

One of the benefits of Menhit is that she’s a sun goddess, so you don’t lose that shiny gold feeling you get when you’re mainlining Jesus at a megachurch. But Menhit is the kind of goddess you worship in your luxurious master suite. You do sort of lose your sense of community, but your suitors come to you. 

She’s also associated with lionesses. That’s right: kitty has claws, and don’t you dare go near her cubs or she will mess you up. 

This is the goddess you want on your side when you need that boss bitch energy. Not some hippie who looks like the guy that sits under the tree outside the frat house with a cheap acoustic guitar ranting about big banks because he had to take out too many student loans. 

Menhit’s name translates into “she who massacres”. She’d tear that hippie apart and leave him a broken soul with nothing to his name but an empty trust fund.

So, if you’re ready to try Menhit instead of Jesus, here’s my recommendation

Get yourself the most luxurious chaise lounge you can find, put on your sexiest negligee, get your hair and nails done. Pour yourself a glass of wine, and wait. 

Then, when your man gets home and finds you looking like a meal to be devoured, I want you to look him right in the eye, summon all the will you’ve got to protect the rights of your daughters, granddaughters, aunts, nieces, afabs, whatever … and you tell him that your gate of Heaven is closed until he starts backing the Democrats to ensure that women do not lose their reproductive freedoms.

I may not believe in Menhit. But I believe in you. I know you’re out there. Good luck. 

FOR INFERNAL USE ONLY Jack Matirko was raised in the Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church, but it didn't take. His projects include The Left Hemispheres Podcast, The Naked Diner Podcast, and An Ongoing and...