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It is an interesting phenomenon of English that we have a habit of giving often fanciful and descriptive collective nouns to groups of things, but we don’t have a Satanic collective noun.

If hermits get a collective noun so should we 

A collective noun is what we call the specific name for a group of things, like a pride of lions or a murder of crows.

I once learned that the collective noun for hermits is “an observance.” Which is interesting because hermits by definition are not seen in groups very often. Yet, someone managed to come up with a name for this theoretical group of hermits. 

So what do you call a group of Satanists?

It depends on who you ask. 

The Church of Satan doesn’t believe in the concept of Satanic community. So they would probably say something overly convoluted like “an assembly of people who all happen to be Satanists all independently living their best lives in the same place for a while.”

But that’s not very useful. 

I haven’t asked The Satanic Temple’s director of Ministry Priest Penemue about it but they seem to have settled into the legally and definitionally expedient “congregation.” Which is clinically accurate, but often so is Penemue.

Here are some other options for consideration:

  1. A Pandemonium of Satanists: Because any meeting we go to at some point devolves into utter chaos.

2. A Pantheon of Satanists: Because every one of us is our own god.

3. A Rabble of Satanists: Because let’s face it we’re not always the most meticulously well-kept bunch.

4. A Lust of Satanists: Because if a group of us get together somebody is probably trying to sleep with someone.

5. A Milton of Satanists: Because why not give a nod to the Romantic era literary heritage of our modern concept of Satan?

6. A Party of Satanists: Honestly because parties tend to be when we most often congregate.

7. A Flame or Blaze of Satanists: Because something something hell, fire, black flame, lightbringer etc.

Clearly, this is the most pressing issue addressing our community today. So if you have opinions or other suggestions leave them in the comments. 

FOR INFERNAL USE ONLY Jack Matirko was raised in the Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church, but it didn't take. His projects include The Left Hemispheres Podcast, The Naked Diner Podcast, and An Ongoing and...