We’ve got meds for your head
when the going gets tough
We’ve got taurine in cans
when caffeine’s not enough.
We’ve got porno and politics,
cartoons and stuff
So you don’t have to think
when you’re down in the dumps
Now this little pill,
you can take when you’re ill
And it makes you feel better
like that
And we’ve got plenty more
for when you feel down
or because you’re a little upset
We’ve got powders and drinks
when you’ve got too much stress
and you just need a little relief
Need your muscles relaxed
‘cuz you’re too tightly wound?
Don’t worry, no problem,
just take two of these!
We’ve got sports
We’ve got soaps
We’ve got wars going on
We’ve got retro-revival
if you miss what is gone
We’ve got love, we’ve got hate
We’ve got guns, we’ve got rape
We’ve got holes in the ozone
but we’ve got duct tape
Now I know what you’re thinking
before you get scared
We’ve got things
to protect you from harm
We’ve got missiles exploding
like fourth of July
Or our armies
to catch the bad guys
And there’s news on TV
just to keep you informed
Of our latest
wartime successes.
What’s that?
You are scared by the things that go on?
Just change the channel and watch a sitcom!
We’ve got all that you want
and it don’t cost a dime
We’ve got everything here
If you’ll just take the time.
We’ve got sex of all kinds
If you think that’s your thing
We’ve even got cures
when your pee starts to sting.
Come join in the fun
And you’ll see what I mean
If you want it, you got it
We’ve got everything
The end.