You never hear any good Shinto jokes

You can never have too many chuckles at the expense of a minority!

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Nothing says “wacky gigglegasm” like Shinto, Japan’s ancient nature religion. Haha, yes, since before the dawn of recorded history, the relationship between the gods (or “kami”) and humans have inspired many a jest and jape!

Pictured: Ho Ho Mountain
(Prettysleepy/Pixabay)

Listen– that’s just not true. Everyone knows the funny Asian religion is Buddhism. The one with the jolly fat guy who’s like Santa Claus, but notably non-materialistic. He always seems so happy when you see him in statue form. Not like the usually dour Jesus or the sorely unrepresented Mohammad.

If you want to chuckle… you… probably don’t think of Shinto. Well, we’re fixing that ignorant way of thinking today with a random grab bag carefully curated collection of some of the best jokes we could quickly retrofit to be about an ancient polytheistic nature religion. Keep an eye out– you may just see a Western pop culture reference shoehorned in to keep this whole thing afloat!

How many Shintoist does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Usually one or two. Depends.


Who is a Shinto’s favorite superhero?

Aquaman.*

* It’s funny because water purification is a central tenet of Shintoism. (“Aqua” is Latin for “water.” Everyone loves Latin!)


What do you call a Shinto who always skips school?

Their name?


“Knock Knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Harry.”

“Harry who?”

“Harry Li.”

“Oh. Alright. Are you Shinto?”

“…Yeah.”

“Hahaha! …I don’t get it.”


How do you know if a Shinto has been using your computer?

They forgot to log out. Log. Logs occur in nature. Shinto is a nature rel– Let’s just move on. Let’s move on.


A blonde, a brunette, and a Shinto are lost in the desert. They find a lamp in the sand and rub it. Nothing happens. The Shinto says, “Guess there’s no genie in the lamp.” Later the blonde goes crazy and eats them both.

Ba dum-bump.


What did the Shinto man say when he found out his blind date’s name was Kami*?

“I’d like to inhabit your everything. Oh no, I said that out loud! Looks like Tourette’s and loneliness win again!”

* In Shintoism, the kami are supernatural entities believed to inhabit all things. It’s a sex joke.


Where does a Shinto shop for food?

At the supermarket.

It makes more sense if it’s “Superman,” but here we are. Maybe Superman is Shinto.

NOTE: Turns out he is not.


What… um… what– what are a Shinto’s two favorite parts of his or her leg?

People don’t have favorite parts of their legs. What kind of question is that?


How do you make a Shinto laugh on Saturday?

Don’t read them any of these godforsaken jokes. That’s a good start.


Our sincerest apologies. We’ll see you next week with a real winner about Hawkman’s obscene chicken worship cult.

(Hanna-Barbera Productions)

Bring the family.

As a comedy writer, the details of my life are depressing at best and sketchy at worst. I have written for all of the best comedy sites and none of the bad ones, resulting in a net gain of half a ham sandwich....