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Dearest friends and family,

You are invited to my fur-baby shower! My husband and I are delighted for the soon-approaching arrival of our four-legged child. To celebrate, please meet us outside the local PetCo on Saturday at 1:00 PM sharp.

We will serve hors d’oeuvres in bowls carried by servers. But plan on eating beforehand, as our servers are dogs who are prone to cause spillage when jumping up to greet guests! Also, it’s likely that all the food will be consumed by the doggy butlers before they get to you.

After the refreshments, please join us, the puppy-parents-to-be, on a leisurely stroll around the aisles of PetCo. We will instruct you each to grab a cart and will place items into your cart for you to purchase for our future bundle of joy. Plan on spending a minimum of fifty dollars. Our canine baby will need all the food, treats, and diapers he can get!

Don’t worry about surprising me. When you check out, I will act as if I haven’t selected the items. Then, I’ll bark, lick your face, and do a happy doggo dance. It’s the least I can while I await the arrival of my dog child.

During the party, we will play games over the loudspeakers like “Guess the Breed and Date of Birth.” It should be easy to play as long as you checked my Facebook profile eight weeks ago when I shared pictures of my newborn Goldendoodle. We’ll also ask you to predict which parent our child will resemble more!

You are welcome to bring your own fur-babies, as long as they are mild-mannered, groomed, and up-to-date on all of their vaccinations. Leave any smelly, flea-infested doggos at home!

We hope you can make it to our fur-baby shower! If not, you will still have the opportunity to see twenty new photos of our puppy every day for the immediate future.

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Nat Hrvatin is a humor writer whose work stems around whatever is currently fueling her anxiety. Her work has appeared on The Broadway Beat, Slackjaw, and The Belladonna Comedy, among others. Nat studied...