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Outdoor thing: Lounging by the pool

INDOOR HACK: Instead of risking overexposure to those pesky UVs, draw yourself a nice, warm bath. Then, using your seasonal depression lamp that you prefer to use year-round, give yourself the illusion of sun. If you find yourself still missing the pool atmosphere, light a sunscreen-scented candle and play soothing sounds of children splashing and yelling. 

Outdoor thing: Enjoying a backyard barbecue

INDOOR HACK: Sure, there’s something extra tasty about a char-grilled hamburger, but there’s a switcheroo that both tastes good AND helps you avoid those bloodthirsty mosquitoes. Overcook a pot roast to create a subtle smoky scent that’ll fill your entire kitchen and set off your smoke alarm. Of course, doing so will ruin your meal, but you can simply DoorDash a Wendy’s hamburger and watch a YouTube fireworks display.

Outdoor thing: Camping

INDOOR HACK: Hahahaha, who enjoys camping? Certainly not you! Your idea of camping is turning your AC all the way up and burying yourself in a pile of faux-fur blankets. And, you much rather roast marshmallows in your air fryer than have to start an actual bonfire. 

Outdoor thing: Biking 

INDOOR HACK: Sure, a bike ride is a great form of exercise. But, you can still get the same effect by taking a few Vitamin D’s and then hopping on your Peloton. Rather than navigating the bike path in your local park, you can virtually explore parks all over the world from the comfort of your industrial-sized fan. 

Outdoor thing: Going to the county fair

INDOOR HACKS: Somehow, cotton candy and elephant ears aren’t as appetizing to you while you’re nearby a plethora of smelly animal stalls. You’re better off staying at home and making your own fair treats while surrounded by your less smelly stuffed animals. If you miss the thrill of wondering if a hastily put-together tilt-a-whirl will kill you, instead you can call the customer service line for your insurance company and see if you can survive dying of boredom. 

And, if you do happen to eventually brave the outdoors, you can turn your seasonal allergies into your summer beauty regimen!

Nat Hrvatin is a humor writer whose work stems around whatever is currently fueling her anxiety. Her work has appeared on The Broadway Beat, Slackjaw, and The Belladonna Comedy, among others. Nat studied...