Reading Time: 4 minutes When we use the word “woke,” we’re suggesting a sense of wakefulness, alertness, vigilance, and watchfulness. It’s a metaphor of self-designation for those who possess a certain kind of moral acuity. Those on the political Right who oppose what they call “The Woke Left” might embrace numerous other metaphors to signify their own ethical perception, for instance: The Somnolent […]
Jesus
Posted inReligion
If Jesus was a man, why does he never do anything wrong?
Reading Time: 3 minutes Christians like circles. Especially arguing in them. I have just started reading the late biblical scholar Hector Avalos’ recent book Slavery, Abolitionism, and the Ethics of Biblical Scholarship. In the introduction, he points out a startlingly obvious and yet incredibly important observation. “My project actually began with a puzzling experience,” he writes. “If one reads […]
Posted inComedy
Let’s see your precious ‘Easter Bunny’ rise from the dead!
Reading Time: 3 minutes Hey kids, come on out here! Daddy has a grisly surprise! No, it’s not Grandpa. You know how I’ve been trying to lead you kids to the unconditional love of God and, you know, keep Him from sending you to burn in Hell for all eternity? Yes, you’ve all been very brave and alternately mocked […]
Posted inCulture
This pastor wants you to get high and find Jesus
Reading Time: 2 minutes Winter solstice, spring equinox, virgin birth, holiday trees, morality—all examples of things that predate Christianity but have been taken over, adopted, or encroached upon by Christians. Guess what… they’re not quite finished yet. Pastor Craig Gross, once known as the “porn pastor” who founded an anti-pornography church called XXX Church, has his sights set on […]
Posted inSatire
Joe Biden delays student loan repayment and Republican Jesus cries ‘Socialism!’
Reading Time: 2 minutes WASHINGTON DC – Republican Jesus turned over at least seven tables and shot several chairs with his AR-15 on the Senate floor when he found out President Joe Biden plans to delay student loan repayment yet again. As the Son-of-God of the GOP conducted his rampage many Democrat and Republican senators remarked, “We should’ve seen […]
Posted inComedy
My dad can beat up your dad, Jesus—by Eric Trump
Reading Time: 3 minutes We get a lot of mail here at OnlySky. More often than not, it’s the same old chestnut about how God loves us and we’re going to Hell. Sometimes we get thoughtful responses and rebuttals from learned theologians. More often than not, though, we get open letters from people who’ve been shooed out of every […]
Posted inHistory, Religion
An impossible task: separating fact from fiction in the Gospels
Reading Time: 8 minutes Many Gospels were written, but only four were admitted to the canon by those who had acquired power. The remainder were discarded or destroyed. I have written this Gospel myself. I was not present during the events it describes, but neither were the other Gospel writers. Mine is 1,600 years too late, but I am […]
Posted inReligion
What would Jesus literally do? That is the question.
Reading Time: 3 minutes This is an often-asked question by Christian believers. Usually, the answer they provide to their own question is a preachy sermon, extolling the wonderfulness of Jesus and the religion that is named after him. Or, it’s used to justify some action that an individual intends to take anyway. I stumbled upon a piece recently that […]
Posted inComedy
Taking a rain check on Jesus
Reading Time: 4 minutes “Good afternoon sir, nice weather for this time of the year”, says the squinty-eyed old geezer clutching a Jesus sign and wearing a shoes that look like empanadas. “Sure is,” I reply guardedly, “is there anything I can help you with?” He forces a smile, and introduces himself as Bob Hutton, an evangelist from Kent […]
Posted inReligion
How likely was the empty tomb, Part 3? Empty tomb or empty promise?
Reading Time: 4 minutes In this concluding critique we respond to: the leaders couldn’t produce a body, scholars accept the empty tomb claim, the story is simple, and the story is early.