Reading Time: 2 minutes

On Ask Reddit, the highest-scoring question yesterday was

What was the most absurd thing you’ve heard from an overly religious person?

There were almost 6,000 replies. These are among the most WTF ones (I edited them for brevity and clarity).

  1. “Snakes represent the devil because they are spineless.”
  2. “All these fast-food places mistreat animals, but I know Chick-fil-A doesn’t, because they’re in the faith.”
  3. “If people don’t believe in God, they deserve to die from cancer.”
  4. “You listen to music too much. Allah will punish you after you die by pouring lava into your ears.”
  5. “Every time you watch a TV series, one hundred demons enter your body.”
  6. “God killed Steve Irwin for teaching children about evolution.”
  7. “Believe and don’t do research.”
  8. “Your son is autistic because he wasn’t baptized in time.”
  9. “If you talk to friends from a different caste, their blood will transfuse into you and kill you.”
  10. “Video games are created by Satan because my kid’s console was destroyed when I poured holy water on it.”
  11. “I’ve passed bad checks at supermarkets and gotten away with it, because angels are protecting me.”
  12. “God took your wife to be with Him because as an atheist you don’t deserve to be happy without God in your life.”
  13. “When you masturbate, you’re having sex with a demon.”
  14. “You shouldn’t adopt children. They won’t really be yours in the eyes of God, and then they won’t get to heaven.”
  15. “If you die on the street because EMTs won’t treat you because you’re transsexual and that’s against their beliefs, well, that’s what God wanted.”
  16. “Trump was sent down from the heavens to save America.”
  17. “Masturbation is gay because you are pleasuring someone of the same sex.”
  18. “I would rather leave a child in a room with a pedophile than with an atheist.”
  19. “Drug mules are stuffing dead hollowed-out babies full of cocaine to smuggle them across the border because the devil wants America hooked on drugs.”
  20. “I saw a video of lepers regrowing their limbs through prayer.”
  21. “If you don’t finish your food it’s going to stand before you on Judgment Day.”
  22. “Masturbation and menstruation are sins because every time someone ejaculates or is on their period, they murder unborn children.”
  23. “You really shouldn’t play Uno. That’s gambling.”
  24. “The female orgasm isn’t necessary for reproduction. If God doesn’t care about your satisfaction, why should I?”
  25. “When women get breast cancer it’s because they dress immodestly. God puts the cancer there when they allow people to ogle their breasts.”
  26. “The peace sign is the sign of the devil because it’s a broken cross upside down.”
  27. “Masturbation is wrong because it makes you happy, and only God is supposed to make you happy.”
  28. “Stealing a candy bar and rape are the same thing, because sin is sin. Both will receive the same punishment from God.”
  29. “Don’t burn a candle in your home because Satan tempts the candle makers to put bad stuff in there, and when you burn the candle, it will give you cancer.”
  30. “I don’t want to take science classes for my bachelor’s degree because God made the earth and I don’t believe in geology.”

Do you have anything to top that?

(Image via Shutterstock)