I’m going to work on this, but here it is, so far.
Joseph ended up taking his 9 month pregnant partner (impregnated without anyone’s permission) on an 80 mile journey on donkey-back on unmettaled roads to a census that, as a woman, his wife did not need to attend, in a different tax area to where they lived, for the purpose of a ruler (Herod) who had died 10 years previously (and who, as ruler of a client kingdom, would not have needed a Roman tax census) in a place where one Gospel (but not the other) said they already lived, only to be chased to Egypt for two years when the other Gospel said they returned to Nazareth immediately, because said dead ruler was intent on killing Jesus-aged babies (which was never recorded in any other place) due to an important prophecy that nobody had realised actually existed.
Oh, and the Magi and shepherds, who saw the most incredible things, were never heard from again.
Orrrrrrrrrrr… it never happened. (Just a thought.)
