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Congratulations to KWTX in Texas for finding the most insane Christian mom in the community, convincing her it was a good idea to appear on camera so she could tell viewers that the biggest threat to their children was the movie Hocus Pocus 2, and then making sure the camera was fully zoomed in on her face to make her look extra weird.

The atheists of the world appreciate it.

In a completely bananas post on her now-private Facebook page, mother Jamie Gooch wrote that the kid-friendly sequel (which she has not seen) was “based on harvesting the purity of children’s souls so that witches may live on.” She also tossed in some old-school “Satanic Panic” lies before making her plea:

With the release of Hocus Pocus 2 coming up I would be wrong not to sound the alarm and warn you to protect your children. After all the whole movie is based on harvesting the purity of children’s souls so that witches may live on. Hocus Pocus by definition means “meaningless talk or activity, often designed to draw attention away from and disguise what is actually happening:” 

What is actually happening when we watch these films? What are we subjecting are minds to? What are we welcoming into the homes of our families?

I’ll try to be brief, Please hear me when I tell you the truth that the Witches and Warlocks in the satanic church abuse and sacrifice children in their “spiritual rituals” to gain more power in the underworld.

So before you hit play on the night of the premier of this movie please ask yourself if not only your mind but your children’s minds are strong enough to ward off the hypnotization and bewitching trance that will be coming through the screen to aid in the desensitization of the coming evil in this world. Don’t fall victim to the schemes of hell.

If you’re not familiar with this movie, it’s the sequel to a 1993 movie about three witches (played by Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy) who get resurrected and attempt to gain immortality. The new movie shows witchcraft becoming more accepted in society, however some people are using their powers for evil:

… Satanic panic is ancient history and modern witchcraft has fully emerged from the proverbial broom closet, legally recognized and accepted as a spiritual path and religion. Pentacles appear on gravestones even in veterans cemeteries. Prison chaplains host Wiccan circles and satanists fight openly for religious equality.

Occult practices, such as tarot, are now openly practiced by teens from all walks of life and all faiths.

Director Anne Fletcher (“The Proposal”) includes a glimpse of the 1993 Marshall scene as tribute to the original, but Satan is no longer the source of the witches’ magic — nature is. The forest, where the teens’ rituals are held, is called sacred and, as shown in a flashback to the witches’ childhood in old Salem, the spell book they use is given to them by another woodland witch, not the devil. 

All of this is obviously fictional. No one is watching the movie because they’re eager to flesh out the Hocus Pocus Cinematic Universe. They’re watching it because their kids like the costumes and adults find it very campy.

And yet Jamie Gooch thinks (and I use that word loosely) it’s sending a literal message through the screen:

“Do not watch this film,” she warned, “Everybody thinks it’s fake and innocent, but they could be casting any type of spell that they want to, anything could be coming through that TV screen into your home.”

“We have not participated in Halloween in about four or five years, it’s just now how we live our lives,” said Gooch. “It grieves me, the thought of exposing our kids to darkness.”

“I was talking about the movie with friends and family, and it just weighed heavy on my heart, because some people are doing things and they’re not even aware that they’re partaking in these things…most mistakes that I’ve done it’s because I didn’t know any better,” said Gooch. “If you don’t agree with me that’s fine, you need to go and follow your own heart and your own conviction, but for a Christian, we are held at a higher standard.”

If you believe watching a silly Disney movie is exposing your kids to “darkness,” and sending spells through the television, and destroying your Christian faith, you need a doctor far more than you need Jesus. The same people who think fetuses are people and more guns mean more safety also think pretend witchcraft is destroying society.

Someone please make sure Gooch never watches The Ring.

Her statements make Christianity look so bad that part of me wants to believe she’s a troll planted by atheists. By the same measure, I want to believe her Facebook post is part of a larger marketing campaign by Disney. But we all know damn well Christians like these exist. They’ll believe any conspiracy theory that seems to affirm their faith while denying the truth even when it’s staring them in the face.

In the meantime, say a secular prayer for her poor Goochlings, who have been denied all the fun of Halloween because their Christian mom never figured out the difference between fact and fiction and decided to take her vengeance out on Hocus Pocus 2.

Hemant Mehta is the founder of FriendlyAtheist.com, a YouTube creator, podcast co-host, and author of multiple books about atheism. He can be reached at @HemantMehta.

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