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Florida cancels 54 science textbooks due to references to the planet Uranus. The Board of Education is ecstatic and is also looking to ban any astronomy book that references the planet as well as the term black holes.

The planet Uranus is suggestive and may lead impressionable students to a life of sodomy.

florida Secretary of Education Andrew Canard

Officials from the Board of Education said the books were banned because they did not adhere to the state Republican Party’s platform regarding the ‘Christ-based heterosexual missionary position.’

Teachers and other educated members of society are quick to point out that the planet Uranus took its name from Greek mythology. Uranus was an early god who personified the sky and has nothing to do with buttholes.

Florida’s vocal evangelical community pointed out that the First Commandment states that students shouldn’t worship non-God gods.

Governor Ron DeSantis leaped to defend the Education Board’s decision. “Critical race theory is being forced down our kids’ throats and Greek gods are pushed up our kid’s butts,” he said. “The liberal left is grooming our kids to hate white people and worship at the altar of anal exploration.”

No one is too surprised at Florida’s dedication to rightwing stupidity. The Guardian recently reported on Florida removing 54 math textbooks because many of them taught critical race theory:

Florida’s education department has rejected 54 mathematics textbooks from next year’s school curriculum, citing alleged references to critical race theory among a range of reasoning for some of the rejections, officials announced.

The department said in a news release Friday that some of the books had been rejected for failure to comply with the state’s content standards, Benchmarks for Excellent Student Thinking [Best], but that 21% of the books were disallowed “because they incorporate prohibited topics or unsolicited strategies, including CRT”.

While Florida cancels science textbooks other states are looking to cancel entire historical periods from their curriculum. Mississippi banned any mention of post-Antebellum history. Arkansas is dropping math due to anti-Christian Arabic numerals.

“At some point soon the United States of America will be nothing by strip mall churches and Applebee’s,” one noted expert said.


In related news, Kirk Cameron’s new movie is essentially ‘Die Hard in Heaven.’

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...