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Posted inSatire

An open letter from Sesame Street to Ted Cruz

Reading Time: 2 minutes Dear Senator Cruz, Recently, you took issue with our young Elmo getting a COVID vaccine shot. Elmo, a 3 and 1/2-year-old puppet, was demonstrating to scared children out there that the shot was just “a little pinch,” and that they shouldn’t be afraid. You also took issue with his father Louie saying that it’s okay […]

Posted inSecularism

America? We need to talk.

Reading Time: 2 minutes I want to start by saying I will always love you. You’ve been here my whole life. You gave me MTV. And let’s face it, without Madonna or Tawny Kitaen, I might have ended up a DMV clerk or some other horrendous thing. We’ve had a lot of good times together. Remember when we thought […]

Posted inSatire

Exciting 50-yard line religious rituals for the upcoming football season

Reading Time: < 1 minute The Chambri scarification ritual of ripping skin open in beautiful decorative patterns with sharp knives and flints. Sticking hands into gloves containing thousands of venomous ants, a Satere-Mawe ritual. The Jewish ritual of Kaparot that involves twirling a live chicken around your head three times, then killing it and giving it to the local poor […]

Posted inComedy

Megachurch ministers embezzle millions of thoughts and prayers

Reading Time: 2 minutes In a shocking new report from OnlySky media, scores of megachurch ministers embezzled millions of thoughts and prayers from the faithful. Thoughts and prayers meant to heal the sick, find car keys, and win bingo went to fund minsters’ extravagent lifestyles. OnlySky Reporter Andrew Canard Anonymous hackers broke into the private emails of Joel Osteen, […]

Posted inSatire

Six conservative Justices and the guns they own

Reading Time: 3 minutes On the heels of a recent massacre of ten-year-olds in a Texas school, six conservative Supreme Court Justices have ruled to expand gun rights in the USA, including the right to carry concealed weapons. Now is a great time to inquire into the Justices own preferences in weaponry. First, let’s note that all six conservative […]

Posted inComedy

Justice Thomas shocked to find soldiers in his home

Reading Time: 2 minutes Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas returned to his Washington DC residence and was shocked to find a squad of 10 soldiers living there. I never thought a Supreme Court decision would affect me in a negative way. Supreme Court Justice clarence thomas Ginni Thomas, Justice Thomas’ wife, informed him the infantrymen arrived several hours earlier. […]

Posted inSatire

QUIZ: Are you a spiritual narcissist?

Reading Time: 4 minutes OnlySky · QUIZ: Are You A Spiritual Narcissist? | Becky Garrison This week, Christianity Today (CT), the evangelical flagship magazine founded by none other than Billy Graham, released a bonus episode of their podcast series The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill. This episode, Everything is Still Falling Apart, addresses the dangers of the cult […]

Posted inComedy

Quiz: Have you ever been Jesusplained?

Reading Time: 3 minutes Have you ever been Jesusplained? Jesusplaining is similar to mansplaining and both are rampant in the United States of America. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines mansplaining as to explain something to a woman in a condescending way that assumes she has no knowledge about the topic. Jordan Peterson loves to Jesusplain to atheists that they really […]